Around Here We Say:
M E R R Y CH R I S T M A S
USING MY PSYCHIC POWERS FOR THE BETTERMENT OF MANKIND!
Well, hey there, Hi there Ho there! Everybody around this time of the year make predictions for the New Year, why should I be any different. There are some that make "Serious" predictions, some that make "Light" predictions......Me? I do BOTH.
Let's start with the Serious Predictions:
* Unemployment will top 13% by next summer.
* Inflation will start to show it's ugly head and by summer will be around 10%.
* The Stock Market will rebound, then drop significantly by the summer months.
* By the summer, interest rates will be over 10%.
* Harry Reid, Barbara Boxer and Arlen Specter will loose their Senate seats.
* The Republicans will win back the House and control it 229-206.
* The democrats will control the Senate 51-49.
* Barrack Obama's favorable rating will be 39% by the November 2010 election.
* Iran will launch an attack on Israel and the US will have a tepid response.
* There will be a scandal and then a shake up of administration officials.
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Light Hearted Predictions:
* Tiger Woods will compete in two events in 2010 and retire from golf after
throwing a 2 iron at a fan who yelled; "Hey Tiger, Who's putting a Tiger in Elin's
tank now?"
* Tiger Woods will pay $2 Million to the fan he threw the afore mentioned 2 Iron at.
* David Letterman will rehabilitate his image by becoming the new face of
"DEPENDS DIAPERS" and will join Florence Henderson in promoting the
"NEW SUPER POLYGRIP."
* Oral Roberts and Jerry Falwell will NOT rise from the dead in 2010.
* Chris Matthews will find out that the "tingle" going up his leg was Keith Olbermann's hand.
* MSNBC's Keith Olbermann will beat out HGTV's "House Hunter's
International" during the 3AM time slot, but loose to "Cool Tools"
during the 3:30 AM time slot.
* In trying to lure younger viewers, MSNBC will introduce a "Tickle Me Chris
Doll" to compete with "Tickle Me Elmo."
* Three tourist at the Capital will be injured when Nancy Pelosi's eyes pop
out following a Botox treatment that goes horribly wrong.
* Arlen Specter will die from injuries suffered when he is pelted with 348,978 tea bags.
* Bill Belichick will stun the NFL when he announces he is retiring to open
"Bill's Camera Emporium."
* Diane Sawyer and Katie Couric will quit their lucrative ancor new anchor
jobs and open a brothel in Nevada called "Anchor Aweigh."
* Al Gore will ask Tom Silva for help changing light bulbs on "Ask This Old House."
* Hillary Clinton will find Barrack Obama's birth certificate with some
"Misplaced" billing records from the Rose Law Firm.
* Oprah will be revealed as woman #336 in the Tiger Woods saga.
* Oprah will be romantically linked to "Pop N Fresh," the Pillsbury
Doughboy.
* Michelle Obama's garden will be invaded and then destroyed by the
gopher from Caddyshack.
* In a shocking scenario, the Pittsburgh Pirates will win 82 games. (Nah, will never happen)
* It will be revealed that Oprah is Robert Byrd's "Lovechild."
It is my hope that you and your have a safe, healthy and Merry Christmas. I will publish a special edition of this column on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. I will resume full-time publishing the following week.
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